My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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