I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
