i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
