Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
