When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
