I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
