Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
