Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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