why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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