I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
3pm strippers are depressing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
