You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
