I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
