At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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