That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
