i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
