You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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