When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
