I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
