Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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