i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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