remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
