I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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