how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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