I can text with my tongue
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
