Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
