I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
