yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
