I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is Oprah even human
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
