I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
