Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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