Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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