Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
