Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
