she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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