plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
