she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
