I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
