My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
