the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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