Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
