ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
