@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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