Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
