I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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