"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dignity is for republicans.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
