Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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