Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
