someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
