Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
