so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
