I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
