Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
