its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
