I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
