You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
