I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
