i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
